No shade, no shame!

Well it’s now May, and I completely blew it on doing a blog in April, which was my birthday month, and I had a whole thing planned to do that would’ve been clever and witty in April, and would make absolutely no sense at all in May, so…yeah.

My plan B for this blog is actually a subject that I’ve been wanting to touch on for a while.  I’ve pretty much been putting it off just because it has the potential to step on a few toes, and some may take it the wrong way (or maybe the right way) and be offended, and generally speaking I’m not usually one to want to stir the pot.  But more and more I see this becoming an issue so I feel called to speak out.  Don’t misunderstand, this is not going to be me lecturing everyone on this subject.  This is more about me not having a complete understanding about why this is becoming a thing—I don’t like it at all, and I just don’t get it.

So, everyone is already aware that with the invention of social media, it’s become all too easy for anyone and everyone to give their opinion about any subject you can imagine.  And that’s fine—I believe that every person should feel like they have the opportunity to speak about things they believe, and if Facebook or Twitter is the only place they feel they can be heard, then by all means, tweet away!  You can build your own personal page, business page, closed group, open group, etc… as a forum to showcase your thoughts—what better place, right?  I’ve certainly been known to share my thoughts about a subject on my own page, or even on a group page if it’s something I feel strongly about.

More and more, though, I’ve been witnessing a new trend that I’m not fond of—let’s just call it “shaming”.  If it was happening between individuals in person, we would say one person was throwing shade at the other.  Which, if you’re not already aware, is a slightly less aggressive way to insult a person that just telling them outright.  As I’m sure you’ve already guessed, this is happening more and more among women.  One will make a post, on her own page most likely, where she comments on a certain type of woman, or group of women, maybe a fashion trend they’ve taken up, or an activity, and makes a snarky comment about it.  No particular person is called out, so it seems like no harm’s being done, so all is fair game.  I assume that this must make these individuals feel very superior, and so clever that they’ve found a way to level their judgement at others without any accountability for it.  I mean, I assume that’s what they get out of it, the truth is I don’t really know because I just don’t get it.  Obviously, I’m missing something.

Now let me make clear, I’m not saying this is a new concept—I mean women have been catty to each other since we first drew breath.   And if we’re being completely honest, there’s a significant percentage of women who are just bat crap crazy—including some of my best friends lol.  But as a whole, the women I surround myself with are women who like to lift up other women.  If one of us has a new business, the rest of us can be counted on to buy something.  If one of us has a new fellow that’s doing her dirty, the rest of us can be counted on to have her back.  That’s not to say we all have to agree on every single subject, but we generally like to see each other succeed.

I see posts every day, however, that are nothing but discreetly aimed barbs thrown for no other reason that to shame a person, or a group.  Like the woman, for instance, who posts a selfie accompanied by a comment about how SHE doesn’t need makeup to feel good about herself.  On the surface, that seems like a good self esteem moment for the poster, doesn’t it?  If that’s all you took from it, you missed the barb thrown at all the women who only post pictures of themselves with their makeup on, for whatever reason.  The simple fact is the poster has no idea why another woman doesn’t like to post no-makeup pictures, and frankly, it’s none of her business.  But taking the opportunity to shame her for it—I mean, why?  If it takes trying to dim another person’s light to make yours shine brighter, I’ll take makeup all day long.  As far as I know, they don’t make cosmetics for this inside.

Or the person who makes a post detailing her knowledge about an activity, a sport, a business…along with a veiled dig at another person or group who has chosen to do it differently.  Whether you’re talking about running a business, training a horse, losing weight or, I don’t know, backpacking through Europe…I’m fairly certain there’s more than one way to accomplish whatever goal you’re working towards.  Just because a person has had success with a particular technique or system, doesn’t give them the right to shame others for pursuing a different route.  Also, by talking about women as a whole, I certainly don’t mean to exempt men from this group.   We all know there are definitely men who have perfected the art of shaming and snarky comments—some have even taken it to a whole new level. 

And just so everyone is aware, those snarky posts don’t make everyone else think how clever and talented you “shamers” are.   We see you—we see right through you.  And I, for one, am not impressed even a little.  If any of this steps on your toes, by the way, you’re of course free to accept, deny or completely ignore my opinion on this subject.  It will for sure be interesting to see if there are any changes in my Friends list after this is published.

The bottom line is whatever you’ve got going on in your life that you think is great—I’m happy for you and I like to see you post about it.  Most people do.  But if you’re posting it with a little shady remark to shame someone else, I just don’t get it.  Life is too short to engage in that kind of negativity.  And, not to mention, putting negative out into the universe usually brings negative back—spoiler alert.  Just so you won’t be surprised…

So, I’ll be back on social media soon, and I’ll probably buy something from one of my peeps who’s doing the business thing, or I’ll send congrats to someone who accomplished a goal, or just like a picture someone’s posted of a new hobby or haircut.  And I know that I can count on getting a lot of support on the things I post as well.  And I can tell you right now in the pictures of myself, I will be wearing at least a little makeup so if you can’t handle that without a snarky comment, feel free to scroll on by.  Or better yet make use of the “Unfriend” button, and you won’t be bothered by my pesky positivity any further.

Or not.  If you feel the need to shame…well there’s a reason that we ALL have the option of the “Unfriend” button.  And I ain’t afraid to use it.   

Wishing you all a happy day!